Hello everyone,
For the past while, I haven't been doing any blog posts. This is because we are redoing the website for Han Mi Martial Arts and, along with that, the way the blogs are done. We anticipate being finished by August 1st. I think it will look nicer and be easier on my end of things when this construction process is complete. Once all of this is finished, I'll get back to blogging.
Thanks for reading!
Sunday, July 19, 2015
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Staying joyful and having gratitude while studying martial arts.
When most people first come to a martial arts school, they do so with very reasonable and simple goals in mind. Most want to get or stay fit, learn how to defend themselves, or to improve themselves or their child in terms of attentiveness and respect. These are really great goals and ones that martial arts study can definitely help one to bring into their life. However, there are some common pitfalls that knock people off-track when studying martial arts. I'd like to take a moment and explore a few of them, in hopes that it will help people when they get frustrated with their training.
Before I dive into that, I do want to take a moment out of respect to say that I'm not typing this in order to air anyone's dirty laundry. Quite the contrary, the problems I hope to explore here are common and I could easily list three or four instances where this has happened to others or myself. I want to convey support and compassion.
One very common pothole is misdirected anger or annoyance. It is common to have failure in martial arts. It's tough to be good at it - not every technique will work and you will not always take first place. Our egos tell us that we're going to address the challenge like Bruce Lee in one of his movies, but reality comes along and reminds us how much of that is a fantasy. That's OK, our ego is supposed to give us the assumption of success so that we try something difficult. We have to balance that with an understanding that we are one among many and these other people have strength as well. When reality comes along and checks our ego, we often look outward instead of inward for the solution. When the lower rank won the match or when the technique didn't work as we had hoped, we look at another student or the instructor or some external thing to place blame. That is a misunderstanding. The challenge in martial arts is to refine yourself and your ability. That refinement happens through weathering challenges. When confronted with failure, don't turn outward. We must learn to own the situation, become responsible, and move forward with the training. If we do not, then we will give up and truly fail.
Another common problem is letting interpersonal issues take precedence over training. When someone is going through this refinement that I've discussed, it can often be a messy thing. People usually come in to a martial arts school with a good sense of balance and fairness in their expression. As time passes, some people get too open with expressing annoyance with others in very public ways. While there are times when people will wrong you anywhere in life, it is important to keep things in perspective. Is training in the martial arts less important than the minor slight you may have received while someone was tired/hungry/feeling vulnerable? If someone is making this mistake often, then it needs to be addressed in a balanced way - of course. Still, it is important to remember that each person's success is interdependent on the success of the others in the school. We all sink or swim together.
Lastly, it is important to realize that compartmentalization is generally counter to human nature. If you go home and are a miserable person, then you are going to eventually bring that misery into everything else you do. The skills we learn on the mat can be applied in life - consistency in effort, camaraderie with friends, and complete attention to the moment. Somewhere in your mind and heart, you have to find joy and not merely happiness. Happiness is fleeting, just as is anger or fear. Joy, however, is the understanding that life is beautiful and that we are lucky to have that life. While it is often a challenge, we have to bring that joy into the things we do in a consistent way. If a person understands this, then they have gratitude for being alive. That gratitude give a person patience, compassion, diligence, and a sense of humor. Never lose touch with that joy!
These are a few of the pitfalls that everyone in martial arts (and, honestly, in life) goes through. I hope each person can recognize these challenges with themselves, forgive them as well as the tension that is often involved in understanding them, and move through them knowing that you will succeed with enough time and effort. If you are one of my students and you're having a tough time in your studies in music or martial arts, don't be afraid to tell me (just not in the middle of classes! Email, call, or set up time to talk, please). Stay attentive to what is happening and don't lose sight of the big picture. Keep moving forward!
Before I dive into that, I do want to take a moment out of respect to say that I'm not typing this in order to air anyone's dirty laundry. Quite the contrary, the problems I hope to explore here are common and I could easily list three or four instances where this has happened to others or myself. I want to convey support and compassion.
One very common pothole is misdirected anger or annoyance. It is common to have failure in martial arts. It's tough to be good at it - not every technique will work and you will not always take first place. Our egos tell us that we're going to address the challenge like Bruce Lee in one of his movies, but reality comes along and reminds us how much of that is a fantasy. That's OK, our ego is supposed to give us the assumption of success so that we try something difficult. We have to balance that with an understanding that we are one among many and these other people have strength as well. When reality comes along and checks our ego, we often look outward instead of inward for the solution. When the lower rank won the match or when the technique didn't work as we had hoped, we look at another student or the instructor or some external thing to place blame. That is a misunderstanding. The challenge in martial arts is to refine yourself and your ability. That refinement happens through weathering challenges. When confronted with failure, don't turn outward. We must learn to own the situation, become responsible, and move forward with the training. If we do not, then we will give up and truly fail.
Another common problem is letting interpersonal issues take precedence over training. When someone is going through this refinement that I've discussed, it can often be a messy thing. People usually come in to a martial arts school with a good sense of balance and fairness in their expression. As time passes, some people get too open with expressing annoyance with others in very public ways. While there are times when people will wrong you anywhere in life, it is important to keep things in perspective. Is training in the martial arts less important than the minor slight you may have received while someone was tired/hungry/feeling vulnerable? If someone is making this mistake often, then it needs to be addressed in a balanced way - of course. Still, it is important to remember that each person's success is interdependent on the success of the others in the school. We all sink or swim together.
Lastly, it is important to realize that compartmentalization is generally counter to human nature. If you go home and are a miserable person, then you are going to eventually bring that misery into everything else you do. The skills we learn on the mat can be applied in life - consistency in effort, camaraderie with friends, and complete attention to the moment. Somewhere in your mind and heart, you have to find joy and not merely happiness. Happiness is fleeting, just as is anger or fear. Joy, however, is the understanding that life is beautiful and that we are lucky to have that life. While it is often a challenge, we have to bring that joy into the things we do in a consistent way. If a person understands this, then they have gratitude for being alive. That gratitude give a person patience, compassion, diligence, and a sense of humor. Never lose touch with that joy!
These are a few of the pitfalls that everyone in martial arts (and, honestly, in life) goes through. I hope each person can recognize these challenges with themselves, forgive them as well as the tension that is often involved in understanding them, and move through them knowing that you will succeed with enough time and effort. If you are one of my students and you're having a tough time in your studies in music or martial arts, don't be afraid to tell me (just not in the middle of classes! Email, call, or set up time to talk, please). Stay attentive to what is happening and don't lose sight of the big picture. Keep moving forward!
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
For the new teacher
One of my former music students talked to me about wanting to teach music lessons. I couldn't be happier - he's a very talented musician, but he's also a great guy with a good sense of humor and a fair amount of patience. At the same time, we are getting ready for our next black belt test opportunity at Han Mi Martial Arts. While all of the people taking this test are under 18 and ineligible to be an instructor right now, they do have the ability to be leaders and informally help people learn. These are some ideas I'd like to impart to those people looking to be teachers.
1) Each student is an opportunity. Some will require a lot of work and have a lot of challenges. You will get frustrated at times because you'll want to do good work for them and want them to succeed and the path won't be clear or seem possible. Remember, this person is an opportunity for you to learn about your own patience and limitations and how to over come them. Be consistent and optimistic - not because you're putting up a front, but because they truly are a gift to your community and there is a way through the problems with hard work and insight.
2) The student's needs come first. You are going to have all sorts of goals that you want to see out of people, but don't cut through the basics and the simple stuff in order to rush to the flashy stuff. They aren't there for your ego, bank account, or need to vent. They came there to learn and to be better people. You can be friendly with students, but don't forget your role and don't forget to keep to that first and foremost. Concern yourself with that goal primarily and the other things will fall into place.
3) Be consistent with goals and expectations. Set a goal for the student and work to achieve it. Don't get distracted by something you're interested in. Which leads to...
4) Have an easily stated curriculum for what you teach. In the name of all that's sacred, don't flail around trying to wing each class and make it up on the fly. There is a space to tailor what you are doing to the student or to the situation, but you need to do that from the context of a solid curriculum.
5) Show them that you love this and that they matter to you! Most of them aren't going to want to practice, do the grunt work of conditioning the body or the reflexes, or lay the groundwork that leads to solid skill later on. It's your job to show them how these basics lead to things that are really wonderful. Show them that you understand and don't be afraid to show them how this basic study will make things really smooth and great later on. Show them the joy you have for even the mundane aspects of this study.
6) The moment the student comes through the door, it is important that you realize that they will someday walk out of that door and never return. You'll need to let go at some point. Do what you can to help, but don't try to own their successes and try to don't own them - neither are yours.
7) The moment someone meets you by taking classes with you - regardless of age or anything else, you must never see them romantically. Plenty of people disagree with me here and that's fine. My opinion is to never do it. If you keep to that, then your work will never be compromised. If that person is supposed to know you on another level outside of what you teach, then you would have met that person in that context; you didn't. If you're single, then go outside of work to date - you need a larger support network than just your job anyway. If you aren't single and are moving outside of your other relationship, then you are creating a very bad ethical example in your work and probably shouldn't be teaching in the first place. That is extreme selfishness and it has no place in instruction.
8) Your skills in your field are not directly connected to your skills as a teacher. Teaching is a skill all its own. Have humility about learning this skill and listen to what your instructors, students, and other involved people are telling you. With that, you need to remember to make the time to continue to progress yourself in whatever field you're giving instruction. You not only teach techniques, but you also teach how to acquire them.
9) Teach as if they are going to do this for a living or if their life depended on it. You never know what life will bring and neither do they.
10) If a student doesn't respect you, then confront it. Talk to them and try to understand the issue. If this person still doesn't respect you afterwards, then don't be afraid to encourage them to work with someone else. If you've done your best and this person has a bad attitude, let them leave. If you haven't caused a problem, then this is their issue to solve. They came to you to learn and now haven't committed to that goal because something is distracting them. Give them time if that's possible and continue to be positive and patient with them. If their problems are causing you to hate your job or causing others to be distracted, then show this person to the nearest door. Don't worry - the next person they work with will have the same problem you're having with them. By that line of thinking, always be careful when getting someone into your teaching area from another teacher. Make sure you aren't inheriting someone's past problem.
11) If you want your students to stay on good terms with you, then make sure you know how to stay on good terms with your teachers. While not all of my old teachers are still close with me, most are. Learn what it takes to keep those good relationships and make sure you create an environment for your students that makes it easy to keep that community positive. It's good for business - sure. It's also good for your life to make that connection with another person. It's being a small part of someone's life in a way that is really beautiful. When they nurture someone, they'll always think of you. That's really beautiful and humbling.
12) Rome was not built in a day. Be consistent, stay on the goal, and show these students how to approach difficult things with patience, intensity, and a sense of humor if things get too negative.
13) Encourage them to own their educational experience. Make sure that you've taught them all the things that are part of their community (i.e. the basics). Encourage them to look up things on their own and bring you any questions that they have about what they've seen. This will help you to stay up to date as well. This will also show them that they aren't on a little island studying something that is obscure. Rather, that are part of a whole movement and a community. This tends to help people that start to get big headed about their own skills to remember that there is always a proverbial bigger fish.
When in doubt about anything, ask yourself what will help the student. This next thing is a scary thing to some people, but it is the only way I know how to convey it - forgive the awkwardness of my word choice here: You must love the student. To do this, you have to know what love is not; it doesn't own, it isn't angry, it isn't jealous, it isn't selfish, it doesn't isolate, and it doesn't cling to things. It gives compliments without forgetting that there is always more to do. It knows to sustain a person or a good situation, balance is very necessary. If you keep to this and don't let your own interests get in the way, then there is very little you can do that will be harmful. From there, it's just an issue of how effective you are in your teaching.
After you've done all of that, make sure people treat you honestly with the payment. You will always have people try to talk down your price or get a special deal. If you do that, then it's up to you. However, be careful not to undersell your work. If you are giving these people your best and you are helping them to succeed, then you deserve to be compensated reasonably. If they disagree, then they don't appreciate the work you're doing. Set a fair price and don't feel apologetic for getting paid.
Best of luck, David, and to everyone else that this helps!
1) Each student is an opportunity. Some will require a lot of work and have a lot of challenges. You will get frustrated at times because you'll want to do good work for them and want them to succeed and the path won't be clear or seem possible. Remember, this person is an opportunity for you to learn about your own patience and limitations and how to over come them. Be consistent and optimistic - not because you're putting up a front, but because they truly are a gift to your community and there is a way through the problems with hard work and insight.
2) The student's needs come first. You are going to have all sorts of goals that you want to see out of people, but don't cut through the basics and the simple stuff in order to rush to the flashy stuff. They aren't there for your ego, bank account, or need to vent. They came there to learn and to be better people. You can be friendly with students, but don't forget your role and don't forget to keep to that first and foremost. Concern yourself with that goal primarily and the other things will fall into place.
3) Be consistent with goals and expectations. Set a goal for the student and work to achieve it. Don't get distracted by something you're interested in. Which leads to...
4) Have an easily stated curriculum for what you teach. In the name of all that's sacred, don't flail around trying to wing each class and make it up on the fly. There is a space to tailor what you are doing to the student or to the situation, but you need to do that from the context of a solid curriculum.
5) Show them that you love this and that they matter to you! Most of them aren't going to want to practice, do the grunt work of conditioning the body or the reflexes, or lay the groundwork that leads to solid skill later on. It's your job to show them how these basics lead to things that are really wonderful. Show them that you understand and don't be afraid to show them how this basic study will make things really smooth and great later on. Show them the joy you have for even the mundane aspects of this study.
6) The moment the student comes through the door, it is important that you realize that they will someday walk out of that door and never return. You'll need to let go at some point. Do what you can to help, but don't try to own their successes and try to don't own them - neither are yours.
7) The moment someone meets you by taking classes with you - regardless of age or anything else, you must never see them romantically. Plenty of people disagree with me here and that's fine. My opinion is to never do it. If you keep to that, then your work will never be compromised. If that person is supposed to know you on another level outside of what you teach, then you would have met that person in that context; you didn't. If you're single, then go outside of work to date - you need a larger support network than just your job anyway. If you aren't single and are moving outside of your other relationship, then you are creating a very bad ethical example in your work and probably shouldn't be teaching in the first place. That is extreme selfishness and it has no place in instruction.
8) Your skills in your field are not directly connected to your skills as a teacher. Teaching is a skill all its own. Have humility about learning this skill and listen to what your instructors, students, and other involved people are telling you. With that, you need to remember to make the time to continue to progress yourself in whatever field you're giving instruction. You not only teach techniques, but you also teach how to acquire them.
9) Teach as if they are going to do this for a living or if their life depended on it. You never know what life will bring and neither do they.
10) If a student doesn't respect you, then confront it. Talk to them and try to understand the issue. If this person still doesn't respect you afterwards, then don't be afraid to encourage them to work with someone else. If you've done your best and this person has a bad attitude, let them leave. If you haven't caused a problem, then this is their issue to solve. They came to you to learn and now haven't committed to that goal because something is distracting them. Give them time if that's possible and continue to be positive and patient with them. If their problems are causing you to hate your job or causing others to be distracted, then show this person to the nearest door. Don't worry - the next person they work with will have the same problem you're having with them. By that line of thinking, always be careful when getting someone into your teaching area from another teacher. Make sure you aren't inheriting someone's past problem.
11) If you want your students to stay on good terms with you, then make sure you know how to stay on good terms with your teachers. While not all of my old teachers are still close with me, most are. Learn what it takes to keep those good relationships and make sure you create an environment for your students that makes it easy to keep that community positive. It's good for business - sure. It's also good for your life to make that connection with another person. It's being a small part of someone's life in a way that is really beautiful. When they nurture someone, they'll always think of you. That's really beautiful and humbling.
12) Rome was not built in a day. Be consistent, stay on the goal, and show these students how to approach difficult things with patience, intensity, and a sense of humor if things get too negative.
13) Encourage them to own their educational experience. Make sure that you've taught them all the things that are part of their community (i.e. the basics). Encourage them to look up things on their own and bring you any questions that they have about what they've seen. This will help you to stay up to date as well. This will also show them that they aren't on a little island studying something that is obscure. Rather, that are part of a whole movement and a community. This tends to help people that start to get big headed about their own skills to remember that there is always a proverbial bigger fish.
When in doubt about anything, ask yourself what will help the student. This next thing is a scary thing to some people, but it is the only way I know how to convey it - forgive the awkwardness of my word choice here: You must love the student. To do this, you have to know what love is not; it doesn't own, it isn't angry, it isn't jealous, it isn't selfish, it doesn't isolate, and it doesn't cling to things. It gives compliments without forgetting that there is always more to do. It knows to sustain a person or a good situation, balance is very necessary. If you keep to this and don't let your own interests get in the way, then there is very little you can do that will be harmful. From there, it's just an issue of how effective you are in your teaching.
After you've done all of that, make sure people treat you honestly with the payment. You will always have people try to talk down your price or get a special deal. If you do that, then it's up to you. However, be careful not to undersell your work. If you are giving these people your best and you are helping them to succeed, then you deserve to be compensated reasonably. If they disagree, then they don't appreciate the work you're doing. Set a fair price and don't feel apologetic for getting paid.
Best of luck, David, and to everyone else that this helps!
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
On Ethics: Tenaciousness and Thoroughness once action is started
This is the last posting in this series about ethics in martial arts. The last of the eleven tenets is to always finish what you start. While it sounds like a good idea on its own, this last concept in the set offers the inverse sensibility compared to all the others we've talked about up to this point. By examining the idea's other expressions, the substance of the idea, and in context with the others, this tenet really takes on the intensity that it demands of the martial arts student.
In some translations of this tenet, it is stated differently than to always finish what you start. For example, when I was a Taekwondo student, this idea was conveyed as "never retreat in battle." While a strategic retreat can be a good thing, the idea here is to be unflinching in the midst of a conflict. Other schools have interpreted this differently instead to say to always finish what you start. While the idea is sound, the wording "to always finish what you start" fails to convey the intensity of what is being expressed when compared to "never retreat in battle." However, saying to never retreat in battle fails to recognize the need to adjust strategy in order to achieve the larger objective - to be willing to lose a battle to win a war. While imperfect, the expression to always finish what you start is the one I've used at Han Mi Martial Arts. I haven't found a better way to express it myself that is a fuller explanation without being too long or imprecise.
Finishing what you start is vitally important in martial arts. This idea manifests on many different levels in training. If your goal is to get a certain technique down, then you practice as much as it takes to get the technique. You do so without a care about how long it will take or the effort expended; you get it finished. If your goal is to reach a rank, then you do what it takes and you get it. In sparring, it is vital not to hesitate when attacking. You must do it fully and only make adjustments - never second guessing yourself. Hesitation is a huge enemy to success in sparring and this tenet addresses that. Kendo, for example, describes fear, doubt, surprise, and confusion as of the four poisons of the mind when sparring. These distract people from finishing what they start and, in that way, point to the same sensibility. If your goal is to make a certain number of classes per week, then you do what it takes and you make that happen. Life will always pop up and get in the way of training. There are a million reasons not to work and be good at martial arts, but none of them are helpful for that goal. If it is worth starting it, then it is worth finishing it.
When examining this tenet in context, you see that it moves in an opposite direction to all the others. Each of the others encourages restraint and good judgement. They all ask for the student to think things through clearly, to use restraint, and to be resilient during the trails of life. Each one encourages the martial artist to align themselves with good mental health and to have a clear understanding of their place in society. To always finish what you start means that once all these other sensibilities have been met and intelligence dictates that you must act, that it is imperative to do so swiftly, without hesitation, and to complete the goal clearly, cleanly, and without any disharmony. In other words, be a person that is whole and without fragmentation psychologically, be passionate and open to learning, be willing and able to accept defeat while knowing that you will grow from it, and then move decisively with sufficient will and power and complete the goal. In this idea, there is also the recognition that simply knowing what to do isn't enough. If it is important enough to start, then it is important enough to see through to a definable goal. If we are compelled to act, then we must do so until it is done. Having that worldview makes the martial artist less apt to be involved in whimsical efforts.
Post Script:
This last posting finishes the series on ethics as laid out in Korean martial arts. I hope everyone that has read this has found it illuminating and helpful to them in their own studies. The wonderful thing about exploring this topic for me is that the real question it seems I'm trying to answer is "What is objectively true? What is real and practical? What has value and is beautiful?" These are questions that always yield new understanding and, in my mind, are the only real worthwhile conversations I could ever have. Thank you for reading these thoughts and considering them. Don't be afraid to explore these ideas for yourself and don't be shy about your constructive criticisms if you think I've missed something. Besides, these topics are far too large for any one person to express in their totality. If you're inclined, have this conversation with me or anyone else interested in these ideas. It is only through these relationships that we get to really learn.
In some translations of this tenet, it is stated differently than to always finish what you start. For example, when I was a Taekwondo student, this idea was conveyed as "never retreat in battle." While a strategic retreat can be a good thing, the idea here is to be unflinching in the midst of a conflict. Other schools have interpreted this differently instead to say to always finish what you start. While the idea is sound, the wording "to always finish what you start" fails to convey the intensity of what is being expressed when compared to "never retreat in battle." However, saying to never retreat in battle fails to recognize the need to adjust strategy in order to achieve the larger objective - to be willing to lose a battle to win a war. While imperfect, the expression to always finish what you start is the one I've used at Han Mi Martial Arts. I haven't found a better way to express it myself that is a fuller explanation without being too long or imprecise.
Finishing what you start is vitally important in martial arts. This idea manifests on many different levels in training. If your goal is to get a certain technique down, then you practice as much as it takes to get the technique. You do so without a care about how long it will take or the effort expended; you get it finished. If your goal is to reach a rank, then you do what it takes and you get it. In sparring, it is vital not to hesitate when attacking. You must do it fully and only make adjustments - never second guessing yourself. Hesitation is a huge enemy to success in sparring and this tenet addresses that. Kendo, for example, describes fear, doubt, surprise, and confusion as of the four poisons of the mind when sparring. These distract people from finishing what they start and, in that way, point to the same sensibility. If your goal is to make a certain number of classes per week, then you do what it takes and you make that happen. Life will always pop up and get in the way of training. There are a million reasons not to work and be good at martial arts, but none of them are helpful for that goal. If it is worth starting it, then it is worth finishing it.
When examining this tenet in context, you see that it moves in an opposite direction to all the others. Each of the others encourages restraint and good judgement. They all ask for the student to think things through clearly, to use restraint, and to be resilient during the trails of life. Each one encourages the martial artist to align themselves with good mental health and to have a clear understanding of their place in society. To always finish what you start means that once all these other sensibilities have been met and intelligence dictates that you must act, that it is imperative to do so swiftly, without hesitation, and to complete the goal clearly, cleanly, and without any disharmony. In other words, be a person that is whole and without fragmentation psychologically, be passionate and open to learning, be willing and able to accept defeat while knowing that you will grow from it, and then move decisively with sufficient will and power and complete the goal. In this idea, there is also the recognition that simply knowing what to do isn't enough. If it is important enough to start, then it is important enough to see through to a definable goal. If we are compelled to act, then we must do so until it is done. Having that worldview makes the martial artist less apt to be involved in whimsical efforts.
Post Script:
This last posting finishes the series on ethics as laid out in Korean martial arts. I hope everyone that has read this has found it illuminating and helpful to them in their own studies. The wonderful thing about exploring this topic for me is that the real question it seems I'm trying to answer is "What is objectively true? What is real and practical? What has value and is beautiful?" These are questions that always yield new understanding and, in my mind, are the only real worthwhile conversations I could ever have. Thank you for reading these thoughts and considering them. Don't be afraid to explore these ideas for yourself and don't be shy about your constructive criticisms if you think I've missed something. Besides, these topics are far too large for any one person to express in their totality. If you're inclined, have this conversation with me or anyone else interested in these ideas. It is only through these relationships that we get to really learn.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
On Ethics: Dedication to your martial arts school
Continuing with the series on ethics, the next topic is for one to be dedicated to their martial arts school. While it may seem awfully self-serving for a martial arts school to say that its students need to be dedicated to it, the intention is not a selfish one. It is a recognition of how a school grows, improves, and matures. While the main instructor of a school is vitally important to that school's growth and to it being sustained, each member has a role to play in that school's success. Through looking at how a school grows and improves, the rapport between the head instructor and the other members, and at the times when that dedication can be questioned, it is possible to understand why this ethical consideration of the martial artist is so important to the individual student as well as the school as a whole.
In order to understand this tenet's purpose, it is first important to define the concept of growth in the context of this posting. Growth, in the case of this use, does not necessarily mean more students. Many martial arts schools are also businesses and so there is often the goal of acquiring students. While it is useful to have different people to work with, growth in this way is not what I mean. Specifically, I'm talking about growth in terms of the quality of the training in the school. When I am using the word growth, I want to be clear that I don't mean growth of my wallet or my ego. Rather, I'm talking about growth in the overall experience for each person in the school. The quality of the sparring, the execution of forms, the improvement of the relationships within the school, and other issues along these lines are what I am talking about. If there is misunderstanding on this point, then people will think I have cheapened these ethical tenets to mean each student should help me make more money. While I am in business to make money, I am also in business to do the best work I can for each person. I don't hide that making money is part of any business, it is not something I expect others to add to their ethical outlook; that would be absurd to the point of being offensive. This tenet deals with something else.
In order for the quality of a student's skill to improve, then this student must be in relationship with something else. This is a fact. Perhaps, that student is in relation to a sparring partner, an instructor, or an ideal model in terms of movement. In all of these cases, growth happens through the act of relationship. Without relationship, there is no growth. This relationship allows for self-evaluation, questioning, experimentation, and refinement. Understanding this is vital if a martial arts student wants to improve.
When a group of people decide to come together and work to help each other improve, then there is a really wonderful opportunity made possible for each person in that arrangement. One person learns and applies that technique while working with another. That person learns this technique and finds ways to counter it or to apply it in a way that has not been explored by the group before. One person has an idea and brings it to the group and they collectively look at it, offer criticism constructively, support the parts that are workable, and distill it down to it's essence. This is, ideally, a group of people that set aside ego and pure self-interest in order to arrive at something new and better - to grow. Rarely, do many of us in day to day life have a place where we can go to do these things - to learn about what we love and to learn about ourselves. This process is often tumultuous; growth is often done through stressful situations that make a person feel vulnerable emotionally. Dedication to this community means that you will see through your own growth process with an indomitable spirit and to be there for the others in the school as a dedicated friend while they go through their own process.
Unfortunately, not everyone that comes to a martial arts school understands this. Many people come in looking for a belt, looking to have their own ego stroked, or without any real interest in connecting with others. These people cycle through over time. They will be around for a little while and then fade out. They will either feel slighted and leave, become delusional about their own skills, or become dojo-hoppers and always look for another group of people to train with while not really taking those relationships and hard work seriously. I'm sure it's a variation on people having commitment issues in life. While it is always sad to see wasted potential, it is not for me to decide if they will stay or go. It is my job to regulate this environment and make sure that people adhere to a proper sense of community. If they do not, then I have to get involved and help regulate things. Sometimes, it feels like my job is only stressful in having to manage the behaviors of students - often, the adult ones. If my job were only to teach techniques, then people could just look up videos online. A martial arts school is about community and the people that understand this fact thoroughly are really a joy to be around both in and out of the school. I try to treat each of them like the treasure they are.
There are times, unfortunately, when this dedication has to be questioned. I feel I need to say this because it would be disingenuous of me not to mention that I have left two schools during my martial arts journey. While I have always tried to leave the vast majorities of the bridges intact in my life, there are a few that had to be burned along the way. Both ended because the instructional environment became unhealthy. Head instructors at these schools began expecting things from me that were inappropriate. At no time should a martial arts instructor have influence over your personal relationships outside of classes. At no time should an instructor expect adherence to their religious beliefs in order to progress in their school. No one should have to tolerate having to turn over immense amounts of their own personal time to help the instructor out to the detriment of his or her own life and home. No one should have to tolerate fraudulent behavior from an instructor. No one should ever need to take on responsibilities for their instructor that are inappropriate and due to that instructor's lack of interest and ill-attention. I don't regret working with these groups and individuals. I look back at many of my experiences with them as formative and very worthwhile. Still, these environments changed from the kinds that gave me a good experience to something that was either unhealthy and unsustainable or blatantly unethical and cult-like. All relationships have to respect boundaries and all life deserves to be respected and to not be harmed by another carelessly. If the people in the school aren't ethical and accountable, then find a school that is. If you are in a situation where you are thinking about leaving a school, make sure you consider the issue causing the tension. Sometimes, it is hard to see what is a problem with the school and what is the tension in your own growth. If the school members and the instructor are behaving ethically yet you find yourself upset or angry with them, then look in the mirror before turning your back on your school. If you are sure that the group is unhealthy and unwilling to examine their behavior, then leave and find a group that is. With that, try not to drag their name through the mud when you leave (notice, I have not mentioned which schools with which I studied or which one was engaged in any particular behavior). Know that all people are fallible and everyone is going through life as best they can. Check your resentment, pack your equipment, and move on to greener pastures if you must. You never know what the future will have in store and leaving may actually give you credibility if you do it without malice. If you must leave, do it quickly and quietly. There's no shame in that.
In looking at the need for relationship in order to foster growth for an individual as well as a group, it becomes clear to see the importance of each member of a school to be dedicated to each other. This dedication is not divisive between schools, but rather to the group of people working with you directly. This ethical tenet of martial arts is the practical application of being devoted to the greater community, respecting your teachers, and being a dedicated friend. In doing this, the relationships in the school can act as a mirror for each person to understand their own strengths, faults, challenges, and triumphs. Without dedication to each other, this growth will not be possible.
In order to understand this tenet's purpose, it is first important to define the concept of growth in the context of this posting. Growth, in the case of this use, does not necessarily mean more students. Many martial arts schools are also businesses and so there is often the goal of acquiring students. While it is useful to have different people to work with, growth in this way is not what I mean. Specifically, I'm talking about growth in terms of the quality of the training in the school. When I am using the word growth, I want to be clear that I don't mean growth of my wallet or my ego. Rather, I'm talking about growth in the overall experience for each person in the school. The quality of the sparring, the execution of forms, the improvement of the relationships within the school, and other issues along these lines are what I am talking about. If there is misunderstanding on this point, then people will think I have cheapened these ethical tenets to mean each student should help me make more money. While I am in business to make money, I am also in business to do the best work I can for each person. I don't hide that making money is part of any business, it is not something I expect others to add to their ethical outlook; that would be absurd to the point of being offensive. This tenet deals with something else.
In order for the quality of a student's skill to improve, then this student must be in relationship with something else. This is a fact. Perhaps, that student is in relation to a sparring partner, an instructor, or an ideal model in terms of movement. In all of these cases, growth happens through the act of relationship. Without relationship, there is no growth. This relationship allows for self-evaluation, questioning, experimentation, and refinement. Understanding this is vital if a martial arts student wants to improve.
When a group of people decide to come together and work to help each other improve, then there is a really wonderful opportunity made possible for each person in that arrangement. One person learns and applies that technique while working with another. That person learns this technique and finds ways to counter it or to apply it in a way that has not been explored by the group before. One person has an idea and brings it to the group and they collectively look at it, offer criticism constructively, support the parts that are workable, and distill it down to it's essence. This is, ideally, a group of people that set aside ego and pure self-interest in order to arrive at something new and better - to grow. Rarely, do many of us in day to day life have a place where we can go to do these things - to learn about what we love and to learn about ourselves. This process is often tumultuous; growth is often done through stressful situations that make a person feel vulnerable emotionally. Dedication to this community means that you will see through your own growth process with an indomitable spirit and to be there for the others in the school as a dedicated friend while they go through their own process.
Unfortunately, not everyone that comes to a martial arts school understands this. Many people come in looking for a belt, looking to have their own ego stroked, or without any real interest in connecting with others. These people cycle through over time. They will be around for a little while and then fade out. They will either feel slighted and leave, become delusional about their own skills, or become dojo-hoppers and always look for another group of people to train with while not really taking those relationships and hard work seriously. I'm sure it's a variation on people having commitment issues in life. While it is always sad to see wasted potential, it is not for me to decide if they will stay or go. It is my job to regulate this environment and make sure that people adhere to a proper sense of community. If they do not, then I have to get involved and help regulate things. Sometimes, it feels like my job is only stressful in having to manage the behaviors of students - often, the adult ones. If my job were only to teach techniques, then people could just look up videos online. A martial arts school is about community and the people that understand this fact thoroughly are really a joy to be around both in and out of the school. I try to treat each of them like the treasure they are.
There are times, unfortunately, when this dedication has to be questioned. I feel I need to say this because it would be disingenuous of me not to mention that I have left two schools during my martial arts journey. While I have always tried to leave the vast majorities of the bridges intact in my life, there are a few that had to be burned along the way. Both ended because the instructional environment became unhealthy. Head instructors at these schools began expecting things from me that were inappropriate. At no time should a martial arts instructor have influence over your personal relationships outside of classes. At no time should an instructor expect adherence to their religious beliefs in order to progress in their school. No one should have to tolerate having to turn over immense amounts of their own personal time to help the instructor out to the detriment of his or her own life and home. No one should have to tolerate fraudulent behavior from an instructor. No one should ever need to take on responsibilities for their instructor that are inappropriate and due to that instructor's lack of interest and ill-attention. I don't regret working with these groups and individuals. I look back at many of my experiences with them as formative and very worthwhile. Still, these environments changed from the kinds that gave me a good experience to something that was either unhealthy and unsustainable or blatantly unethical and cult-like. All relationships have to respect boundaries and all life deserves to be respected and to not be harmed by another carelessly. If the people in the school aren't ethical and accountable, then find a school that is. If you are in a situation where you are thinking about leaving a school, make sure you consider the issue causing the tension. Sometimes, it is hard to see what is a problem with the school and what is the tension in your own growth. If the school members and the instructor are behaving ethically yet you find yourself upset or angry with them, then look in the mirror before turning your back on your school. If you are sure that the group is unhealthy and unwilling to examine their behavior, then leave and find a group that is. With that, try not to drag their name through the mud when you leave (notice, I have not mentioned which schools with which I studied or which one was engaged in any particular behavior). Know that all people are fallible and everyone is going through life as best they can. Check your resentment, pack your equipment, and move on to greener pastures if you must. You never know what the future will have in store and leaving may actually give you credibility if you do it without malice. If you must leave, do it quickly and quietly. There's no shame in that.
In looking at the need for relationship in order to foster growth for an individual as well as a group, it becomes clear to see the importance of each member of a school to be dedicated to each other. This dedication is not divisive between schools, but rather to the group of people working with you directly. This ethical tenet of martial arts is the practical application of being devoted to the greater community, respecting your teachers, and being a dedicated friend. In doing this, the relationships in the school can act as a mirror for each person to understand their own strengths, faults, challenges, and triumphs. Without dedication to each other, this growth will not be possible.
Saturday, May 23, 2015
On Ethics: Building a Durable Soul
In this blog post, we will take a look at the next tenet in this series on ethics in martial arts; specifically, what it means to cultivate an indomitable spirit. There are different ways of expressing this idea and other martial arts have described it in their own ways as well. By comparing and contrasting these expressions of the concept, I hope to explore the idea of having a spirit that is unified in itself and is able to stand up to the challenges in life. For many martial artists, this is a defining characteristic of martial arts study outside of style or background. Said directly, it is the ability for someone to handle defeat and failure with humility, grace, and the understanding so that you will try again until you find success.
In Korean martial arts, the idea is expressed that having an indomitable spirit is important. The word indomitable is a curious one that isn't typically used in day to day language. The word means unable to be defeated. Notice that it doesn't say to be indomitable as a person; we all experience failures, set backs, and trials in life. However, these difficulties need not defeat us inwardly. In spite of these problems and defeats, we must get back up on our feet and press forward. Without this inward strength, nothing of any consequence or importance can be created. Nothing worth doing is easy - a concept that has been expressed by people from Theodore Roosevelt to George Bernard Shaw. If we recognize that, then we must learn to withstand the challenges of life and move forward in spite of them. In reading this, it seems obvious and almost cliche. I'm reminded of the dialogue from the movie Rocky Balboa where he expressed this. It was also expressed by the character Bill in the second Kill Bill movie when he said the Superman comics needed Kryptonite as a plot device in order to make Superman a brave and interesting character. Forgive my digression; my point is to say that this is a concept people talk about, but maybe we don't explore it beyond this cursory level. There are implications to this idea that are much more far reaching and challenging.
In some Japanese martial arts like Kendo or Jujitsu, this idea is often expressed differently. Many within these styles take on this expression through the Buddhist view that life is suffering. That through suffering, people learn to understand and that, given the choice, it is better to suffer than to not. For many people, this seems incredibly bleak and morose. Still, there is a congruent sense about this expression and having an indomitable spirit. It is not an indomitable spirit if it goes untested. Life will test everyone now as it has tested everyone and everything in the past and as it will in the future. Growth in nature happens by creatures looking for advantages and not being something else's dinner. Through that process, the creatures more able to adapt move forward and the one's unable to adapt become protein for those that can. It seems bleak and depressing, but it is a fact that is unavoidable. This same concept holds true for ideas and people - the ones that stand up to the rigors of reality last and the ones that don't work are eventually discarded. If one doesn't learn to strengthen their own spirit in order to weather the storms in life, then life will leave them behind.
So, what does it mean to strengthen one's spirit? As described in earlier postings, it is important to not be a fragmented person. One must be able to see what is true and adapt to it. Many people, when confronted with the truth about things in life or with themselves, hide, make excuses, deny, fight, or fall into depression. These things are understandable, but fruitless. It is very tough to come face to face with a real inward truth and just be present with it - without making a judgement, justification, or counter argument. For example - if my behavior is vain and I think I am better than other people around me, life will eventually show me that I'm made of the same flesh and bone as the others and I will be cut down to size. This happens a lot to people in the 1st through 3rd degree area in martial arts; they talk themselves into being better than others and, when life eventually demonstrates that they aren't, then feel compelled to leave martial arts, blame the other students for being abusive, or blame the instructor for not being of a good quality. This is a common example that happens in every school of every style of martial arts where the students are being challenged. If someone hasn't learned that their ego and skill will be challenged by life and that they need to weather this challenge in order to do anything of worth in martial arts, then they will stop their study and self-stultify. I've seen it in many others that I've trained with more times that I'd like and I've almost fallen victim to it myself. Luckily, I have had some wonderful teachers that helped explain this to me over the years and family that did a great job of reminding me of where I come from and not to think myself separate or above anyone else. Falling into this trap is the only real way to fail in martial arts, in my mind. This is only one example, but I'm sure it is easy for anyone to see that this concept has far reaching implications in life.
If one understands not to be fragmentary and to accept that failure is inevitable when trying to do something new and difficult, then it begins to alter their perceptions of what is happening to them and to what other people are going through in life. A person with this understanding looks at failure as a great teacher and as a guide. They approach others with humility and support because they know the other person is going through the same things - even if the other person is unaware of this fact. When this person sees someone boastful or talking about an undefeated record, they know that this is someone that is untested and about to have a great fall. The person with an indomitable spirit knows how to rally themselves and to be their own best cheerleader. They know that if they are standing, both hands clenched, eyes open and mind attentive, that there is a chance for success. They move forward in spite of whatever words are said, things are done, or accolades given or taken away knowing full well that there is another bigger hill after this one waiting for them. That there is another bounty of understanding and insight for them after weathering the trial. Their roots reach through the acknowledgements and criticisms from others and themselves into passion for life, curiosity about the world, and a need to be simpler and cleaner inwardly. This person can never truly be defeated and they look forward to the next challenge knowing full well that they may not be successful.
... and they can't wait.
In Korean martial arts, the idea is expressed that having an indomitable spirit is important. The word indomitable is a curious one that isn't typically used in day to day language. The word means unable to be defeated. Notice that it doesn't say to be indomitable as a person; we all experience failures, set backs, and trials in life. However, these difficulties need not defeat us inwardly. In spite of these problems and defeats, we must get back up on our feet and press forward. Without this inward strength, nothing of any consequence or importance can be created. Nothing worth doing is easy - a concept that has been expressed by people from Theodore Roosevelt to George Bernard Shaw. If we recognize that, then we must learn to withstand the challenges of life and move forward in spite of them. In reading this, it seems obvious and almost cliche. I'm reminded of the dialogue from the movie Rocky Balboa where he expressed this. It was also expressed by the character Bill in the second Kill Bill movie when he said the Superman comics needed Kryptonite as a plot device in order to make Superman a brave and interesting character. Forgive my digression; my point is to say that this is a concept people talk about, but maybe we don't explore it beyond this cursory level. There are implications to this idea that are much more far reaching and challenging.
In some Japanese martial arts like Kendo or Jujitsu, this idea is often expressed differently. Many within these styles take on this expression through the Buddhist view that life is suffering. That through suffering, people learn to understand and that, given the choice, it is better to suffer than to not. For many people, this seems incredibly bleak and morose. Still, there is a congruent sense about this expression and having an indomitable spirit. It is not an indomitable spirit if it goes untested. Life will test everyone now as it has tested everyone and everything in the past and as it will in the future. Growth in nature happens by creatures looking for advantages and not being something else's dinner. Through that process, the creatures more able to adapt move forward and the one's unable to adapt become protein for those that can. It seems bleak and depressing, but it is a fact that is unavoidable. This same concept holds true for ideas and people - the ones that stand up to the rigors of reality last and the ones that don't work are eventually discarded. If one doesn't learn to strengthen their own spirit in order to weather the storms in life, then life will leave them behind.
So, what does it mean to strengthen one's spirit? As described in earlier postings, it is important to not be a fragmented person. One must be able to see what is true and adapt to it. Many people, when confronted with the truth about things in life or with themselves, hide, make excuses, deny, fight, or fall into depression. These things are understandable, but fruitless. It is very tough to come face to face with a real inward truth and just be present with it - without making a judgement, justification, or counter argument. For example - if my behavior is vain and I think I am better than other people around me, life will eventually show me that I'm made of the same flesh and bone as the others and I will be cut down to size. This happens a lot to people in the 1st through 3rd degree area in martial arts; they talk themselves into being better than others and, when life eventually demonstrates that they aren't, then feel compelled to leave martial arts, blame the other students for being abusive, or blame the instructor for not being of a good quality. This is a common example that happens in every school of every style of martial arts where the students are being challenged. If someone hasn't learned that their ego and skill will be challenged by life and that they need to weather this challenge in order to do anything of worth in martial arts, then they will stop their study and self-stultify. I've seen it in many others that I've trained with more times that I'd like and I've almost fallen victim to it myself. Luckily, I have had some wonderful teachers that helped explain this to me over the years and family that did a great job of reminding me of where I come from and not to think myself separate or above anyone else. Falling into this trap is the only real way to fail in martial arts, in my mind. This is only one example, but I'm sure it is easy for anyone to see that this concept has far reaching implications in life.
If one understands not to be fragmentary and to accept that failure is inevitable when trying to do something new and difficult, then it begins to alter their perceptions of what is happening to them and to what other people are going through in life. A person with this understanding looks at failure as a great teacher and as a guide. They approach others with humility and support because they know the other person is going through the same things - even if the other person is unaware of this fact. When this person sees someone boastful or talking about an undefeated record, they know that this is someone that is untested and about to have a great fall. The person with an indomitable spirit knows how to rally themselves and to be their own best cheerleader. They know that if they are standing, both hands clenched, eyes open and mind attentive, that there is a chance for success. They move forward in spite of whatever words are said, things are done, or accolades given or taken away knowing full well that there is another bigger hill after this one waiting for them. That there is another bounty of understanding and insight for them after weathering the trial. Their roots reach through the acknowledgements and criticisms from others and themselves into passion for life, curiosity about the world, and a need to be simpler and cleaner inwardly. This person can never truly be defeated and they look forward to the next challenge knowing full well that they may not be successful.
... and they can't wait.
Monday, May 18, 2015
On Ethics: Restraint when being aggressive
Continuing with the series on ethics, I'd like to look at the tenet to use good judgement before causing harm to any living thing. Like some of the others, the idea seems pretty obvious. However, there are implications to the idea that are worth exploring. By examining the original expression of this idea, the expression of the tenet used at Han Mi, and some of the implications that go beyond physical conflict, I hope to give a clearer explanation on how I think about the idea to use good judgement before harming any living thing.
In the original five tenets of the Hwarang, this concept was expressed as "exercise discretion before taking a life." Just as it reads, this tenet compels the martial artist to only kill in a situation that would require it. The Hwarang were often actively involved in the military and had to be concerned with matters of life and death. The idea here is that your enemy is not evil - even if they are doing an activity that could be thought of as such. This person may be attacking because their community needs resources to survive, they feel threatened by your presence, or any other number of things that compel people to be violent. This expression of the tenet recognizes that everyone should have the ability to live and that should only be challenged with great care and only as a last resort.
When writing these tenets out for Han Mi Martial Arts, I thought about this idea for some time. In studying Hapkido, it was always considered a sign of bad mental health if a student was constantly interested in techniques that caused the most damage. While it is important to know effective technique, effectiveness of technique doesn't always mean doing damage. Often, it means restraining the opponent and removing the desire to continue to be violent. Overly destructive behavior shows that the student is emotionally insecure; that their interests exceed mere self-defense and has gone into cruelty. Sadistic behavior like this is unhealthy and, to my view, unethical. Allowing someone to learn martial arts without addressing this dark side is, in my view, the equivalent of handing a loaded gun to a child - it would be unethical for me as a teacher to allow it persist. Still, this isn't directly expressed in the 11 tenets.
Beyond the physical implications of martial arts study, I also felt it was important to express the psychological and emotional aspects; specifically, the importance of not be mentally abusive to other people. While there are times where intimidation or other psychological pressures may be appropriate, they should be employed with the same care as any kick, punch, or other offensive technique. While not as outwardly obvious, emotional and psychological abuse are just as destructive as the physical kind. It is important to me that our students understand this and not become bullies in any way. Empowering our students ideally means to give them the confidence and awareness to be good stewards of the community. Good stewardship means being interested in everyone's well-being and not adding to anyone's misery unnecessarily.
From these different view points, the expression of this tenet I decided to go with was to use good judgement before harming any living thing. This change from killing to harming brings about another level of sensitivity for each of us. Rather than only being concerned about ending life, we are interested in the well-being of others physically and psychologically. This tenet also can be applied inwardly; that it is important not to take on harm without good reason oneself. That interpretation compels the martial artist to not allow others to hurt them without good reason (i.e. saving a friend by risking yourself). This is a practical way to express the view that life is precious and important. Life and comfort should only be taken away for very clear reasons and only as a last resort. This tenet flows upwards to the first one (be devoted to the greater community) and to some of the remaining tenets as well when stated this way.
In the original five tenets of the Hwarang, this concept was expressed as "exercise discretion before taking a life." Just as it reads, this tenet compels the martial artist to only kill in a situation that would require it. The Hwarang were often actively involved in the military and had to be concerned with matters of life and death. The idea here is that your enemy is not evil - even if they are doing an activity that could be thought of as such. This person may be attacking because their community needs resources to survive, they feel threatened by your presence, or any other number of things that compel people to be violent. This expression of the tenet recognizes that everyone should have the ability to live and that should only be challenged with great care and only as a last resort.
When writing these tenets out for Han Mi Martial Arts, I thought about this idea for some time. In studying Hapkido, it was always considered a sign of bad mental health if a student was constantly interested in techniques that caused the most damage. While it is important to know effective technique, effectiveness of technique doesn't always mean doing damage. Often, it means restraining the opponent and removing the desire to continue to be violent. Overly destructive behavior shows that the student is emotionally insecure; that their interests exceed mere self-defense and has gone into cruelty. Sadistic behavior like this is unhealthy and, to my view, unethical. Allowing someone to learn martial arts without addressing this dark side is, in my view, the equivalent of handing a loaded gun to a child - it would be unethical for me as a teacher to allow it persist. Still, this isn't directly expressed in the 11 tenets.
Beyond the physical implications of martial arts study, I also felt it was important to express the psychological and emotional aspects; specifically, the importance of not be mentally abusive to other people. While there are times where intimidation or other psychological pressures may be appropriate, they should be employed with the same care as any kick, punch, or other offensive technique. While not as outwardly obvious, emotional and psychological abuse are just as destructive as the physical kind. It is important to me that our students understand this and not become bullies in any way. Empowering our students ideally means to give them the confidence and awareness to be good stewards of the community. Good stewardship means being interested in everyone's well-being and not adding to anyone's misery unnecessarily.
From these different view points, the expression of this tenet I decided to go with was to use good judgement before harming any living thing. This change from killing to harming brings about another level of sensitivity for each of us. Rather than only being concerned about ending life, we are interested in the well-being of others physically and psychologically. This tenet also can be applied inwardly; that it is important not to take on harm without good reason oneself. That interpretation compels the martial artist to not allow others to hurt them without good reason (i.e. saving a friend by risking yourself). This is a practical way to express the view that life is precious and important. Life and comfort should only be taken away for very clear reasons and only as a last resort. This tenet flows upwards to the first one (be devoted to the greater community) and to some of the remaining tenets as well when stated this way.
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