When most people first come to a martial arts school, they do so with very reasonable and simple goals in mind. Most want to get or stay fit, learn how to defend themselves, or to improve themselves or their child in terms of attentiveness and respect. These are really great goals and ones that martial arts study can definitely help one to bring into their life. However, there are some common pitfalls that knock people off-track when studying martial arts. I'd like to take a moment and explore a few of them, in hopes that it will help people when they get frustrated with their training.
Before I dive into that, I do want to take a moment out of respect to say that I'm not typing this in order to air anyone's dirty laundry. Quite the contrary, the problems I hope to explore here are common and I could easily list three or four instances where this has happened to others or myself. I want to convey support and compassion.
One very common pothole is misdirected anger or annoyance. It is common to have failure in martial arts. It's tough to be good at it - not every technique will work and you will not always take first place. Our egos tell us that we're going to address the challenge like Bruce Lee in one of his movies, but reality comes along and reminds us how much of that is a fantasy. That's OK, our ego is supposed to give us the assumption of success so that we try something difficult. We have to balance that with an understanding that we are one among many and these other people have strength as well. When reality comes along and checks our ego, we often look outward instead of inward for the solution. When the lower rank won the match or when the technique didn't work as we had hoped, we look at another student or the instructor or some external thing to place blame. That is a misunderstanding. The challenge in martial arts is to refine yourself and your ability. That refinement happens through weathering challenges. When confronted with failure, don't turn outward. We must learn to own the situation, become responsible, and move forward with the training. If we do not, then we will give up and truly fail.
Another common problem is letting interpersonal issues take precedence over training. When someone is going through this refinement that I've discussed, it can often be a messy thing. People usually come in to a martial arts school with a good sense of balance and fairness in their expression. As time passes, some people get too open with expressing annoyance with others in very public ways. While there are times when people will wrong you anywhere in life, it is important to keep things in perspective. Is training in the martial arts less important than the minor slight you may have received while someone was tired/hungry/feeling vulnerable? If someone is making this mistake often, then it needs to be addressed in a balanced way - of course. Still, it is important to remember that each person's success is interdependent on the success of the others in the school. We all sink or swim together.
Lastly, it is important to realize that compartmentalization is generally counter to human nature. If you go home and are a miserable person, then you are going to eventually bring that misery into everything else you do. The skills we learn on the mat can be applied in life - consistency in effort, camaraderie with friends, and complete attention to the moment. Somewhere in your mind and heart, you have to find joy and not merely happiness. Happiness is fleeting, just as is anger or fear. Joy, however, is the understanding that life is beautiful and that we are lucky to have that life. While it is often a challenge, we have to bring that joy into the things we do in a consistent way. If a person understands this, then they have gratitude for being alive. That gratitude give a person patience, compassion, diligence, and a sense of humor. Never lose touch with that joy!
These are a few of the pitfalls that everyone in martial arts (and, honestly, in life) goes through. I hope each person can recognize these challenges with themselves, forgive them as well as the tension that is often involved in understanding them, and move through them knowing that you will succeed with enough time and effort. If you are one of my students and you're having a tough time in your studies in music or martial arts, don't be afraid to tell me (just not in the middle of classes! Email, call, or set up time to talk, please). Stay attentive to what is happening and don't lose sight of the big picture. Keep moving forward!
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
For the new teacher
One of my former music students talked to me about wanting to teach music lessons. I couldn't be happier - he's a very talented musician, but he's also a great guy with a good sense of humor and a fair amount of patience. At the same time, we are getting ready for our next black belt test opportunity at Han Mi Martial Arts. While all of the people taking this test are under 18 and ineligible to be an instructor right now, they do have the ability to be leaders and informally help people learn. These are some ideas I'd like to impart to those people looking to be teachers.
1) Each student is an opportunity. Some will require a lot of work and have a lot of challenges. You will get frustrated at times because you'll want to do good work for them and want them to succeed and the path won't be clear or seem possible. Remember, this person is an opportunity for you to learn about your own patience and limitations and how to over come them. Be consistent and optimistic - not because you're putting up a front, but because they truly are a gift to your community and there is a way through the problems with hard work and insight.
2) The student's needs come first. You are going to have all sorts of goals that you want to see out of people, but don't cut through the basics and the simple stuff in order to rush to the flashy stuff. They aren't there for your ego, bank account, or need to vent. They came there to learn and to be better people. You can be friendly with students, but don't forget your role and don't forget to keep to that first and foremost. Concern yourself with that goal primarily and the other things will fall into place.
3) Be consistent with goals and expectations. Set a goal for the student and work to achieve it. Don't get distracted by something you're interested in. Which leads to...
4) Have an easily stated curriculum for what you teach. In the name of all that's sacred, don't flail around trying to wing each class and make it up on the fly. There is a space to tailor what you are doing to the student or to the situation, but you need to do that from the context of a solid curriculum.
5) Show them that you love this and that they matter to you! Most of them aren't going to want to practice, do the grunt work of conditioning the body or the reflexes, or lay the groundwork that leads to solid skill later on. It's your job to show them how these basics lead to things that are really wonderful. Show them that you understand and don't be afraid to show them how this basic study will make things really smooth and great later on. Show them the joy you have for even the mundane aspects of this study.
6) The moment the student comes through the door, it is important that you realize that they will someday walk out of that door and never return. You'll need to let go at some point. Do what you can to help, but don't try to own their successes and try to don't own them - neither are yours.
7) The moment someone meets you by taking classes with you - regardless of age or anything else, you must never see them romantically. Plenty of people disagree with me here and that's fine. My opinion is to never do it. If you keep to that, then your work will never be compromised. If that person is supposed to know you on another level outside of what you teach, then you would have met that person in that context; you didn't. If you're single, then go outside of work to date - you need a larger support network than just your job anyway. If you aren't single and are moving outside of your other relationship, then you are creating a very bad ethical example in your work and probably shouldn't be teaching in the first place. That is extreme selfishness and it has no place in instruction.
8) Your skills in your field are not directly connected to your skills as a teacher. Teaching is a skill all its own. Have humility about learning this skill and listen to what your instructors, students, and other involved people are telling you. With that, you need to remember to make the time to continue to progress yourself in whatever field you're giving instruction. You not only teach techniques, but you also teach how to acquire them.
9) Teach as if they are going to do this for a living or if their life depended on it. You never know what life will bring and neither do they.
10) If a student doesn't respect you, then confront it. Talk to them and try to understand the issue. If this person still doesn't respect you afterwards, then don't be afraid to encourage them to work with someone else. If you've done your best and this person has a bad attitude, let them leave. If you haven't caused a problem, then this is their issue to solve. They came to you to learn and now haven't committed to that goal because something is distracting them. Give them time if that's possible and continue to be positive and patient with them. If their problems are causing you to hate your job or causing others to be distracted, then show this person to the nearest door. Don't worry - the next person they work with will have the same problem you're having with them. By that line of thinking, always be careful when getting someone into your teaching area from another teacher. Make sure you aren't inheriting someone's past problem.
11) If you want your students to stay on good terms with you, then make sure you know how to stay on good terms with your teachers. While not all of my old teachers are still close with me, most are. Learn what it takes to keep those good relationships and make sure you create an environment for your students that makes it easy to keep that community positive. It's good for business - sure. It's also good for your life to make that connection with another person. It's being a small part of someone's life in a way that is really beautiful. When they nurture someone, they'll always think of you. That's really beautiful and humbling.
12) Rome was not built in a day. Be consistent, stay on the goal, and show these students how to approach difficult things with patience, intensity, and a sense of humor if things get too negative.
13) Encourage them to own their educational experience. Make sure that you've taught them all the things that are part of their community (i.e. the basics). Encourage them to look up things on their own and bring you any questions that they have about what they've seen. This will help you to stay up to date as well. This will also show them that they aren't on a little island studying something that is obscure. Rather, that are part of a whole movement and a community. This tends to help people that start to get big headed about their own skills to remember that there is always a proverbial bigger fish.
When in doubt about anything, ask yourself what will help the student. This next thing is a scary thing to some people, but it is the only way I know how to convey it - forgive the awkwardness of my word choice here: You must love the student. To do this, you have to know what love is not; it doesn't own, it isn't angry, it isn't jealous, it isn't selfish, it doesn't isolate, and it doesn't cling to things. It gives compliments without forgetting that there is always more to do. It knows to sustain a person or a good situation, balance is very necessary. If you keep to this and don't let your own interests get in the way, then there is very little you can do that will be harmful. From there, it's just an issue of how effective you are in your teaching.
After you've done all of that, make sure people treat you honestly with the payment. You will always have people try to talk down your price or get a special deal. If you do that, then it's up to you. However, be careful not to undersell your work. If you are giving these people your best and you are helping them to succeed, then you deserve to be compensated reasonably. If they disagree, then they don't appreciate the work you're doing. Set a fair price and don't feel apologetic for getting paid.
Best of luck, David, and to everyone else that this helps!
1) Each student is an opportunity. Some will require a lot of work and have a lot of challenges. You will get frustrated at times because you'll want to do good work for them and want them to succeed and the path won't be clear or seem possible. Remember, this person is an opportunity for you to learn about your own patience and limitations and how to over come them. Be consistent and optimistic - not because you're putting up a front, but because they truly are a gift to your community and there is a way through the problems with hard work and insight.
2) The student's needs come first. You are going to have all sorts of goals that you want to see out of people, but don't cut through the basics and the simple stuff in order to rush to the flashy stuff. They aren't there for your ego, bank account, or need to vent. They came there to learn and to be better people. You can be friendly with students, but don't forget your role and don't forget to keep to that first and foremost. Concern yourself with that goal primarily and the other things will fall into place.
3) Be consistent with goals and expectations. Set a goal for the student and work to achieve it. Don't get distracted by something you're interested in. Which leads to...
4) Have an easily stated curriculum for what you teach. In the name of all that's sacred, don't flail around trying to wing each class and make it up on the fly. There is a space to tailor what you are doing to the student or to the situation, but you need to do that from the context of a solid curriculum.
5) Show them that you love this and that they matter to you! Most of them aren't going to want to practice, do the grunt work of conditioning the body or the reflexes, or lay the groundwork that leads to solid skill later on. It's your job to show them how these basics lead to things that are really wonderful. Show them that you understand and don't be afraid to show them how this basic study will make things really smooth and great later on. Show them the joy you have for even the mundane aspects of this study.
6) The moment the student comes through the door, it is important that you realize that they will someday walk out of that door and never return. You'll need to let go at some point. Do what you can to help, but don't try to own their successes and try to don't own them - neither are yours.
7) The moment someone meets you by taking classes with you - regardless of age or anything else, you must never see them romantically. Plenty of people disagree with me here and that's fine. My opinion is to never do it. If you keep to that, then your work will never be compromised. If that person is supposed to know you on another level outside of what you teach, then you would have met that person in that context; you didn't. If you're single, then go outside of work to date - you need a larger support network than just your job anyway. If you aren't single and are moving outside of your other relationship, then you are creating a very bad ethical example in your work and probably shouldn't be teaching in the first place. That is extreme selfishness and it has no place in instruction.
8) Your skills in your field are not directly connected to your skills as a teacher. Teaching is a skill all its own. Have humility about learning this skill and listen to what your instructors, students, and other involved people are telling you. With that, you need to remember to make the time to continue to progress yourself in whatever field you're giving instruction. You not only teach techniques, but you also teach how to acquire them.
9) Teach as if they are going to do this for a living or if their life depended on it. You never know what life will bring and neither do they.
10) If a student doesn't respect you, then confront it. Talk to them and try to understand the issue. If this person still doesn't respect you afterwards, then don't be afraid to encourage them to work with someone else. If you've done your best and this person has a bad attitude, let them leave. If you haven't caused a problem, then this is their issue to solve. They came to you to learn and now haven't committed to that goal because something is distracting them. Give them time if that's possible and continue to be positive and patient with them. If their problems are causing you to hate your job or causing others to be distracted, then show this person to the nearest door. Don't worry - the next person they work with will have the same problem you're having with them. By that line of thinking, always be careful when getting someone into your teaching area from another teacher. Make sure you aren't inheriting someone's past problem.
11) If you want your students to stay on good terms with you, then make sure you know how to stay on good terms with your teachers. While not all of my old teachers are still close with me, most are. Learn what it takes to keep those good relationships and make sure you create an environment for your students that makes it easy to keep that community positive. It's good for business - sure. It's also good for your life to make that connection with another person. It's being a small part of someone's life in a way that is really beautiful. When they nurture someone, they'll always think of you. That's really beautiful and humbling.
12) Rome was not built in a day. Be consistent, stay on the goal, and show these students how to approach difficult things with patience, intensity, and a sense of humor if things get too negative.
13) Encourage them to own their educational experience. Make sure that you've taught them all the things that are part of their community (i.e. the basics). Encourage them to look up things on their own and bring you any questions that they have about what they've seen. This will help you to stay up to date as well. This will also show them that they aren't on a little island studying something that is obscure. Rather, that are part of a whole movement and a community. This tends to help people that start to get big headed about their own skills to remember that there is always a proverbial bigger fish.
When in doubt about anything, ask yourself what will help the student. This next thing is a scary thing to some people, but it is the only way I know how to convey it - forgive the awkwardness of my word choice here: You must love the student. To do this, you have to know what love is not; it doesn't own, it isn't angry, it isn't jealous, it isn't selfish, it doesn't isolate, and it doesn't cling to things. It gives compliments without forgetting that there is always more to do. It knows to sustain a person or a good situation, balance is very necessary. If you keep to this and don't let your own interests get in the way, then there is very little you can do that will be harmful. From there, it's just an issue of how effective you are in your teaching.
After you've done all of that, make sure people treat you honestly with the payment. You will always have people try to talk down your price or get a special deal. If you do that, then it's up to you. However, be careful not to undersell your work. If you are giving these people your best and you are helping them to succeed, then you deserve to be compensated reasonably. If they disagree, then they don't appreciate the work you're doing. Set a fair price and don't feel apologetic for getting paid.
Best of luck, David, and to everyone else that this helps!
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
On Ethics: Tenaciousness and Thoroughness once action is started
This is the last posting in this series about ethics in martial arts. The last of the eleven tenets is to always finish what you start. While it sounds like a good idea on its own, this last concept in the set offers the inverse sensibility compared to all the others we've talked about up to this point. By examining the idea's other expressions, the substance of the idea, and in context with the others, this tenet really takes on the intensity that it demands of the martial arts student.
In some translations of this tenet, it is stated differently than to always finish what you start. For example, when I was a Taekwondo student, this idea was conveyed as "never retreat in battle." While a strategic retreat can be a good thing, the idea here is to be unflinching in the midst of a conflict. Other schools have interpreted this differently instead to say to always finish what you start. While the idea is sound, the wording "to always finish what you start" fails to convey the intensity of what is being expressed when compared to "never retreat in battle." However, saying to never retreat in battle fails to recognize the need to adjust strategy in order to achieve the larger objective - to be willing to lose a battle to win a war. While imperfect, the expression to always finish what you start is the one I've used at Han Mi Martial Arts. I haven't found a better way to express it myself that is a fuller explanation without being too long or imprecise.
Finishing what you start is vitally important in martial arts. This idea manifests on many different levels in training. If your goal is to get a certain technique down, then you practice as much as it takes to get the technique. You do so without a care about how long it will take or the effort expended; you get it finished. If your goal is to reach a rank, then you do what it takes and you get it. In sparring, it is vital not to hesitate when attacking. You must do it fully and only make adjustments - never second guessing yourself. Hesitation is a huge enemy to success in sparring and this tenet addresses that. Kendo, for example, describes fear, doubt, surprise, and confusion as of the four poisons of the mind when sparring. These distract people from finishing what they start and, in that way, point to the same sensibility. If your goal is to make a certain number of classes per week, then you do what it takes and you make that happen. Life will always pop up and get in the way of training. There are a million reasons not to work and be good at martial arts, but none of them are helpful for that goal. If it is worth starting it, then it is worth finishing it.
When examining this tenet in context, you see that it moves in an opposite direction to all the others. Each of the others encourages restraint and good judgement. They all ask for the student to think things through clearly, to use restraint, and to be resilient during the trails of life. Each one encourages the martial artist to align themselves with good mental health and to have a clear understanding of their place in society. To always finish what you start means that once all these other sensibilities have been met and intelligence dictates that you must act, that it is imperative to do so swiftly, without hesitation, and to complete the goal clearly, cleanly, and without any disharmony. In other words, be a person that is whole and without fragmentation psychologically, be passionate and open to learning, be willing and able to accept defeat while knowing that you will grow from it, and then move decisively with sufficient will and power and complete the goal. In this idea, there is also the recognition that simply knowing what to do isn't enough. If it is important enough to start, then it is important enough to see through to a definable goal. If we are compelled to act, then we must do so until it is done. Having that worldview makes the martial artist less apt to be involved in whimsical efforts.
Post Script:
This last posting finishes the series on ethics as laid out in Korean martial arts. I hope everyone that has read this has found it illuminating and helpful to them in their own studies. The wonderful thing about exploring this topic for me is that the real question it seems I'm trying to answer is "What is objectively true? What is real and practical? What has value and is beautiful?" These are questions that always yield new understanding and, in my mind, are the only real worthwhile conversations I could ever have. Thank you for reading these thoughts and considering them. Don't be afraid to explore these ideas for yourself and don't be shy about your constructive criticisms if you think I've missed something. Besides, these topics are far too large for any one person to express in their totality. If you're inclined, have this conversation with me or anyone else interested in these ideas. It is only through these relationships that we get to really learn.
In some translations of this tenet, it is stated differently than to always finish what you start. For example, when I was a Taekwondo student, this idea was conveyed as "never retreat in battle." While a strategic retreat can be a good thing, the idea here is to be unflinching in the midst of a conflict. Other schools have interpreted this differently instead to say to always finish what you start. While the idea is sound, the wording "to always finish what you start" fails to convey the intensity of what is being expressed when compared to "never retreat in battle." However, saying to never retreat in battle fails to recognize the need to adjust strategy in order to achieve the larger objective - to be willing to lose a battle to win a war. While imperfect, the expression to always finish what you start is the one I've used at Han Mi Martial Arts. I haven't found a better way to express it myself that is a fuller explanation without being too long or imprecise.
Finishing what you start is vitally important in martial arts. This idea manifests on many different levels in training. If your goal is to get a certain technique down, then you practice as much as it takes to get the technique. You do so without a care about how long it will take or the effort expended; you get it finished. If your goal is to reach a rank, then you do what it takes and you get it. In sparring, it is vital not to hesitate when attacking. You must do it fully and only make adjustments - never second guessing yourself. Hesitation is a huge enemy to success in sparring and this tenet addresses that. Kendo, for example, describes fear, doubt, surprise, and confusion as of the four poisons of the mind when sparring. These distract people from finishing what they start and, in that way, point to the same sensibility. If your goal is to make a certain number of classes per week, then you do what it takes and you make that happen. Life will always pop up and get in the way of training. There are a million reasons not to work and be good at martial arts, but none of them are helpful for that goal. If it is worth starting it, then it is worth finishing it.
When examining this tenet in context, you see that it moves in an opposite direction to all the others. Each of the others encourages restraint and good judgement. They all ask for the student to think things through clearly, to use restraint, and to be resilient during the trails of life. Each one encourages the martial artist to align themselves with good mental health and to have a clear understanding of their place in society. To always finish what you start means that once all these other sensibilities have been met and intelligence dictates that you must act, that it is imperative to do so swiftly, without hesitation, and to complete the goal clearly, cleanly, and without any disharmony. In other words, be a person that is whole and without fragmentation psychologically, be passionate and open to learning, be willing and able to accept defeat while knowing that you will grow from it, and then move decisively with sufficient will and power and complete the goal. In this idea, there is also the recognition that simply knowing what to do isn't enough. If it is important enough to start, then it is important enough to see through to a definable goal. If we are compelled to act, then we must do so until it is done. Having that worldview makes the martial artist less apt to be involved in whimsical efforts.
Post Script:
This last posting finishes the series on ethics as laid out in Korean martial arts. I hope everyone that has read this has found it illuminating and helpful to them in their own studies. The wonderful thing about exploring this topic for me is that the real question it seems I'm trying to answer is "What is objectively true? What is real and practical? What has value and is beautiful?" These are questions that always yield new understanding and, in my mind, are the only real worthwhile conversations I could ever have. Thank you for reading these thoughts and considering them. Don't be afraid to explore these ideas for yourself and don't be shy about your constructive criticisms if you think I've missed something. Besides, these topics are far too large for any one person to express in their totality. If you're inclined, have this conversation with me or anyone else interested in these ideas. It is only through these relationships that we get to really learn.
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