On Ethics: Dedication to your martial arts school

Continuing with the series on ethics, the next topic is for one to be dedicated to their martial arts school.  While it may seem awfully self-serving for a martial arts school to say that its students need to be dedicated to it, the intention is not a selfish one.  It is a recognition of how a school grows, improves, and matures.  While the main instructor of a school is vitally important to that school's growth and to it being sustained, each member has a role to play in that school's success.  Through looking at how a school grows and improves, the rapport between the head instructor and the other members, and at the times when that dedication can be questioned, it is possible to understand why this ethical consideration of the martial artist is so important to the individual student as well as the school as a whole.

In order to understand this tenet's purpose, it is first important to define the concept of growth in the context of this posting.  Growth, in the case of this use, does not necessarily mean more students.  Many martial arts schools are also businesses and so there is often the goal of acquiring students.  While it is useful to have different people to work with, growth in this way is not what I mean.  Specifically, I'm talking about growth in terms of the quality of the training in the school.  When I am using the word growth, I want to be clear that I don't mean growth of my wallet or my ego.  Rather, I'm talking about growth in the overall experience for each person in the school.  The quality of the sparring, the execution of forms, the improvement of the relationships within the school, and other issues along these lines are what I am talking about.  If there is misunderstanding on this point, then people will think I have cheapened these ethical tenets to mean each student should help me make more money.  While I am in business to make money, I am also in business to do the best work I can for each person.  I don't hide that making money is part of any business, it is not something I expect others to add to their ethical outlook; that would be absurd to the point of being offensive.  This tenet deals with something else.

In order for the quality of a student's skill to improve, then this student must be in relationship with something else.  This is a fact.  Perhaps, that student is in relation to a sparring partner, an instructor, or an ideal model in terms of movement.  In all of these cases, growth happens through the act of relationship.  Without relationship, there is no growth.  This relationship allows for self-evaluation, questioning, experimentation, and refinement.  Understanding this is vital if a martial arts student wants to improve.

When a group of people decide to come together and work to help each other improve, then there is a really wonderful opportunity made possible for each person in that arrangement.  One person learns and applies that technique while working with another.  That person learns this technique and finds ways to counter it or to apply it in a way that has not been explored by the group before.  One person has an idea and brings it to the group and they collectively look at it, offer criticism constructively, support the parts that are workable, and distill it down to it's essence.  This is, ideally, a group of people that set aside ego and pure self-interest in order to arrive at something new and better - to grow.  Rarely, do many of us in day to day life have a place where we can go to do these things - to learn about what we love and to learn about ourselves.  This process is often tumultuous; growth is often done through stressful situations that make a person feel vulnerable emotionally.  Dedication to this community means that you will see through your own growth process with an indomitable spirit and to be there for the others in the school as a dedicated friend while they go through their own process.

Unfortunately, not everyone that comes to a martial arts school understands this.  Many people come in looking for a belt, looking to have their own ego stroked, or without any real interest in connecting with others.  These people cycle through over time.  They will be around for a little while and then fade out.  They will either feel slighted and leave, become delusional about their own skills, or become dojo-hoppers and always look for another group of people to train with while not really taking those relationships and hard work seriously.  I'm sure it's a variation on people having commitment issues in life. While it is always sad to see wasted potential, it is not for me to decide if they will stay or go.  It is my job to regulate this environment and make sure that people adhere to a proper sense of community.  If they do not, then I have to get involved and help regulate things.  Sometimes, it feels like my job is only stressful in having to manage the behaviors of students - often, the adult ones.  If my job were only to teach techniques, then people could just look up videos online.  A martial arts school is about community and the people that understand this fact thoroughly are really a joy to be around both in and out of the school.  I try to treat each of them like the treasure they are.

There are times, unfortunately, when this dedication has to be questioned.  I feel I need to say this because it would be disingenuous of me not to mention that I have left two schools during my martial arts journey.  While I have always tried to leave the vast majorities of the bridges intact in my life, there are a few that had to be burned along the way.  Both ended because the instructional environment became unhealthy.  Head instructors at these schools began expecting things from me that were inappropriate.  At no time should a martial arts instructor have influence over your personal relationships outside of classes.  At no time should an instructor expect adherence to their religious beliefs in order to progress in their school.  No one should have to tolerate having to turn over immense amounts of their own personal time to help the instructor out to the detriment of his or her own life and home.  No one should have to tolerate fraudulent behavior from an instructor.  No one should ever need to take on responsibilities for their instructor that are inappropriate and due to that instructor's lack of interest and ill-attention.  I don't regret working with these groups and individuals.  I look back at many of my experiences with them as formative and very worthwhile.  Still, these environments changed from the kinds that gave me a good experience to something that was either unhealthy and unsustainable or blatantly unethical and cult-like.  All relationships have to respect boundaries and all life deserves to be respected and to not be harmed by another carelessly.  If the people in the school aren't ethical and accountable, then find a school that is.  If you are in a situation where you are thinking about leaving a school, make sure you consider the issue causing the tension.  Sometimes, it is hard to see what is a problem with the school and what is the tension in your own growth.  If the school members and the instructor are behaving ethically yet you find yourself upset or angry with them, then look in the mirror before turning your back on your school.  If you are sure that the group is unhealthy and unwilling to examine their behavior, then leave and find a group that is.  With that, try not to drag their name through the mud when you leave (notice, I have not mentioned which schools with which I studied or which one was engaged in any particular behavior).  Know that all people are fallible and everyone is going through life as best they can.  Check your resentment, pack your equipment, and move on to greener pastures if you must.  You never know what the future will have in store and leaving may actually give you credibility if you do it without malice.  If you must leave, do it quickly and quietly.  There's no shame in that.

In looking at the need for relationship in order to foster growth for an individual as well as a group, it becomes clear to see the importance of each member of a school to be dedicated to each other.  This dedication is not divisive between schools, but rather to the group of people working with you directly.  This ethical tenet of martial arts is the practical application of being devoted to the greater community, respecting your teachers, and being a dedicated friend.  In doing this, the relationships in the school can act as a mirror for each person to understand their own strengths, faults, challenges, and triumphs.  Without dedication to each other, this growth will not be possible.

On Ethics: Building a Durable Soul

In this blog post, we will take a look at the next tenet in this series on ethics in martial arts; specifically, what it means to cultivate an indomitable spirit.  There are different ways of expressing this idea and other martial arts have described it in their own ways as well.  By comparing and contrasting these expressions of the concept, I hope to explore the idea of having a spirit that is unified in itself and is able to stand up to the challenges in life.  For many martial artists, this is a defining characteristic of martial arts study outside of style or background.  Said directly, it is the ability for someone to handle defeat and failure with humility, grace, and the understanding so that you will try again until you find success.

In Korean martial arts, the idea is expressed that having an indomitable spirit is important.  The word indomitable is a curious one that isn't typically used in day to day language.  The word means unable to be defeated.  Notice that it doesn't say to be indomitable as a person; we all experience failures, set backs, and trials in life.  However, these difficulties need not defeat us inwardly.  In spite of these problems and defeats, we must get back up on our feet and press forward.  Without this inward strength, nothing of any consequence or importance can be created.  Nothing worth doing is easy - a concept that has been expressed by people from Theodore Roosevelt to George Bernard Shaw.  If we recognize that, then we must learn to withstand the challenges of life and move forward in spite of them.  In reading this, it seems obvious and almost cliche.  I'm reminded of the dialogue from the movie Rocky Balboa where he expressed this.  It was also expressed by the character Bill in the second Kill Bill movie when he said the Superman comics needed Kryptonite as a plot device in order to make Superman a brave and interesting character.  Forgive my digression; my point is to say that this is a concept people talk about, but maybe we don't explore it beyond this cursory level.  There are implications to this idea that are much more far reaching and challenging.

In some Japanese martial arts like Kendo or Jujitsu, this idea is often expressed differently.  Many within these styles take on this expression through the Buddhist view that life is suffering.  That through suffering, people learn to understand and that, given the choice, it is better to suffer than to not.  For many people, this seems incredibly bleak and morose.  Still, there is a congruent sense about this expression and having an indomitable spirit.  It is not an indomitable spirit if it goes untested.  Life will test everyone now as it has tested everyone and everything in the past and as it will in the future.  Growth in nature happens by creatures looking for advantages and not being something else's dinner.  Through that process, the creatures more able to adapt move forward and the one's unable to adapt become protein for those that can.  It seems bleak and depressing, but it is a fact that is unavoidable.  This same concept holds true for ideas and people - the ones that stand up to the rigors of reality last and the ones that don't work are eventually discarded.  If one doesn't learn to strengthen their own spirit in order to weather the storms in life, then life will leave them behind.

So, what does it mean to strengthen one's spirit?  As described in earlier postings, it is important to not be a fragmented person.  One must be able to see what is true and adapt to it.  Many people, when confronted with the truth about things in life or with themselves, hide, make excuses, deny, fight, or fall into depression.  These things are understandable, but fruitless.  It is very tough to come face to face with a real inward truth and just be present with it - without making a judgement, justification, or counter argument.  For example - if my behavior is vain and I think I am better than other people around me, life will eventually show me that I'm made of the same flesh and bone as the others and I will be cut down to size.  This happens a lot to people in the 1st through 3rd degree area in martial arts; they talk themselves into being better than others and, when life eventually demonstrates that they aren't, then feel compelled to leave martial arts, blame the other students for being abusive, or blame the instructor for not being of a good quality.  This is a common example that happens in every school of every style of martial arts where the students are being challenged.  If someone hasn't learned that their ego and skill will be challenged by life and that they need to weather this challenge in order to do anything of worth in martial arts, then they will stop their study and self-stultify.  I've seen it in many others that I've trained with more times that I'd like and I've almost fallen victim to it myself.  Luckily, I have had some wonderful teachers that helped explain this to me over the years and family that did a great job of reminding me of where I come from and not to think myself separate or above anyone else.  Falling into this trap is the only real way to fail in martial arts, in my mind.  This is only one example, but I'm sure it is easy for anyone to see that this concept has far reaching implications in life.

If one understands not to be fragmentary and to accept that failure is inevitable when trying to do something new and difficult, then it begins to alter their perceptions of what is happening to them and to what other people are going through in life.  A person with this understanding looks at failure as a great teacher and as a guide.  They approach others with humility and support because they know the other person is going through the same things - even if the other person is unaware of this fact.  When this person sees someone boastful or talking about an undefeated record, they know that this is someone that is untested and about to have a great fall.  The person with an indomitable spirit knows how to rally themselves and to be their own best cheerleader.  They know that if they are standing, both hands clenched, eyes open and mind attentive, that there is a chance for success.  They move forward in spite of whatever words are said, things are done, or accolades given or taken away knowing full well that there is another bigger hill after this one waiting for them.  That there is another bounty of understanding and insight for them after weathering the trial.  Their roots reach through the acknowledgements and criticisms from others and themselves into passion for life, curiosity about the world, and a need to be simpler and cleaner inwardly.  This person can never truly be defeated and they look forward to the next challenge knowing full well that they may not be successful.

... and they can't wait.

On Ethics: Restraint when being aggressive

Continuing with the series on ethics, I'd like to look at the tenet to use good judgement before causing harm to any living thing.  Like some of the others, the idea seems pretty obvious.  However, there are implications to the idea that are worth exploring.  By examining the original expression of this idea, the expression of the tenet used at Han Mi, and some of the implications that go beyond physical conflict, I hope to give a clearer explanation on how I think about the idea to use good judgement before harming any living thing.

In the original five tenets of the Hwarang, this concept was expressed as "exercise discretion before taking a life."  Just as it reads, this tenet compels the martial artist to only kill in a situation that would require it.  The Hwarang were often actively involved in the military and had to be concerned with matters of life and death.  The idea here is that your enemy is not evil - even if they are doing an activity that could be thought of as such.  This person may be attacking because their community needs resources to survive, they feel threatened by your presence, or any other number of things that compel people to be violent.  This expression of the tenet recognizes that everyone should have the ability to live and that should only be challenged with great care and only as a last resort.

When writing these tenets out for Han Mi Martial Arts, I thought about this idea for some time.  In studying Hapkido, it was always considered a sign of bad mental health if a student was constantly interested in techniques that caused the most damage.  While it is important to know effective technique, effectiveness of technique doesn't always mean doing damage.  Often, it means restraining the opponent and removing the desire to continue to be violent.  Overly destructive behavior shows that the student is emotionally insecure; that their interests exceed mere self-defense and has gone into cruelty.  Sadistic behavior like this is unhealthy and, to my view, unethical.  Allowing someone to learn martial arts without addressing this dark side is, in my view, the equivalent of handing a loaded gun to a child - it would be unethical for me as a teacher to allow it persist.  Still, this isn't directly expressed in the 11 tenets.

Beyond the physical implications of martial arts study, I also felt it was important to express the psychological and emotional aspects; specifically, the importance of not be mentally abusive to other people.  While there are times where intimidation or other psychological pressures may be appropriate, they should be employed with the same care as any kick, punch, or other offensive technique.  While not as outwardly obvious, emotional and psychological abuse are just as destructive as the physical kind.  It is important to me that our students understand this and not become bullies in any way.  Empowering our students ideally means to give them the confidence and awareness to be good stewards of the community.  Good stewardship means being interested in everyone's well-being and not adding to anyone's misery unnecessarily.

From these different view points, the expression of this tenet I decided to go with was to use good judgement before harming any living thing.  This change from killing to harming brings about another level of sensitivity for each of us.  Rather than only being concerned about ending life, we are interested in the well-being of others physically and psychologically.  This tenet also can be applied inwardly; that it is important not to take on harm without good reason oneself.  That interpretation compels the martial artist to not allow others to hurt them without good reason (i.e. saving a friend by risking yourself).  This is a practical way to express the view that life is precious and important.  Life and comfort should only be taken away for very clear reasons and only as a last resort.  This tenet flows upwards to the first one (be devoted to the greater community) and to some of the remaining tenets as well when stated this way.

On Ethics: Behavior in Community and Learning

Continuing further with our look at ethics in martial arts, we are now tackling the next three tenets of Korean martial arts.  Similar to the last posting, this will address these three tenets together because they are complimentary to one another.  Namely, being a dedicated friend, being respectful of those senior to you, and being respectful of your teachers are useful concepts when going about life in the martial arts school, in day to day life, and within your profession.  One may not always think about these issues, but doing so can make many situations in work and school life smoother and more fulfilling.

It may seem obvious that one should be a dedicated friend.  Still, how is one to be a dedicated friend when that person is in the middle of making a decision you are personally opposed to?  Dedication is a very easy thing when everyone is agreeing and happy, but it is much more difficult to do when there is a disagreement.  While you may have opinions worthy of a second look, that does not mean that you will come to an agreement.  Instead, we must try to take a larger view and accept our friend's decision in life - assuming it doesn't have any negative ethical implications.  Being a dedicated friend means freedom from your own opinions in life.  This freedom allows a person to be able to examine their own life objectively and to try to find a more central understanding of things.  Without that, you are actually dedicated only to people that reflect your views - a kind of vanity.

The idea of being respectful of elders also seems like low hanging fruit and a bit of a cliche.  Older people want to be respected and younger people often want the space to explore their lives without constant judgement.  If people learn now to be a dedicated friend, then they are able to give others the space they need to explore their own interests and desires.  From that, this understanding makes it possible for someone older to be able to share opinions and experience without expecting conformity.  By being around longer, older people have the capacity to give greater context to things happening currently.  All the energy of youth can then be spent doing something truly interesting rather than simply re-inventing the wheel.  This keeps the mind of an older person young and also allows for re-examination and greater understanding.  Giving a second look to the words of an elder helps keeps the brashness of youth in check without creating mere conformity.  In this way, the entire community is improved by the simple idea of respecting an elder.

Respecting a teacher is much along the same lines as respecting an elder.  For a long time, I wondered why this was listed separately from respecting elders.  In thinking it over, I came to another understanding on this concept.  A teacher has specifically dedicated their lives to instruction.  While that does not make that person perfect, it does mean that they take instructing other people very seriously.  If you have come to this person to learn, then it is important that you take the words of this person and at least give them a second look.  Trust this person to try to help you understand what they understand.  As odd as it sounds, acquiring knowledge is a form of imitation.  You want to know how to do something that another person knows how to do, and so you imitate.  Before passing judgement on what they are doing, be sure to learn thoroughly what is being taught.  After you have learned it and have been able to replicate the same level of success, then you have become a person of some level of authority (i.e. capable of authoring in that subject).  From there, your critique of the earlier work has merit and is actually useful.  To critique in mid-learning is short-sighted and, ultimately, self-destructive.  If the teacher is teaching something wrong, then explore it fully.  In doing so, you will still learn a great deal.  This doesn't mean to follow blindly; rather, be an active participant and explore things fully.  Share what you find with your teacher and create a community where everyone grows and improves while supporting one another.  Communities with these kinds of people always end up building things that are worthwhile.

These three tenets encourage the martial arts student to be a positive element in their community and in their learning.  Being a dedicated friend encourages each person to have an appropriate relationship with their peers.  Being respectful of elders creates a relationship where a person can learn from another person's experiences while still exploring their own life's course.  Being respectful of a teacher allows for a student to get out of his or her own way and to explore what is being taught thoroughly without worry of mistake.  Embodying these three ideas allows for the creation of community and civilized discourse without conformity or prejudice.  This level of intellectual freedom and active exploration can be tumultuous, but lead to technical and personal innovation as well as the ability to realize one's potential in life.

On Ethics: A Stable Home

As part of the series on ethics in martial arts, I'd like to examine the next three of the eleven tenets.  I don't do this to diminish each one's importance.  Instead, I see them as all pertaining to having a healthy home and family life.  The three tenets are to be respectful of your parents, to be respectful and faithful to your spouse, and to be respectful of siblings.

Admittedly, this may seem like an ethical examination on these three ideas is little bit simplistic.  Who would tell someone not to respect other people?  Of course, these things seem almost obvious.  Still, what if you're not a child and you have family that is overbearing?  People that are married or coupled often have problems and sometimes people move outside of that relationship to find solace.  What does this have to do with being a martial artist?

First, I'd like to take a moment to consider the word "respect".  It is a word we use in language often, but I don't know that we ever take time to really consider it's original meaning.  Colloquially, we use it to mean to hold someone or something in esteem - to hold it above ourselves as something we should follow.  I think there may be a more thoughtful way to look at this.  If we look at the parts of the word respect, we see the prefix "re" and the second part "spect."  Looking at it this way, we see that "re" means to do again - as in to repeat or redo - while "spect" means to view or ponder - as in spectacle or speculation.  Use of the word respect here means instead to be worthy of a second view.

For young children, I don't push this concept.  They need to follow what parents and siblings are telling them to keep them from harm.  However, these young people will have to be reliant on themselves at some point.  During that transition and even afterwards, they will get advice or views from family.  Some of that advice will be worth its weight in gold.  Some of it will just be loving and caring opinions from other fallible human beings doing their best to support someone they care about.  In any case, these people are trying to be a positive force in life and deserve a second look when they say something with which you disagree.  I know in my own experience, my family has found me to be someone that has taken a very different path then what they would have chosen for me.  Still, I'd like to think they are happy that I am doing well with a fair amount of success in the things I've chosen.  When they gave me their contrary views about being a professional musician, martial artist, or any of the other things we've disagreed on, I know how slowly and carefully I considered their views before choosing.  While I didn't always agree, I respected them and treated them with kindness while they allowed me to find my own way.

For a partner or spouse, they also deserve respect.  This person is choosing to be with you and has committed to creating a home with you.  That is a lot of trust both emotionally and financially.  This person not only deserves to be given a second look before a choice is made, but they also deserve your honesty, your sincerity, your consistency, and your attention.  Without these things, then this partner you have chosen cannot act intelligently in your relationship and in their own lives.  Even if you are going through something very trying and challenging to the future of the relationship, this tenet says to us that we must be fully open with this person, as we are with ourselves.  We must also be willing to accept that person being open with us in the same way. There is no guarantee of security in a relationship or marriage even when are you respectful and faithful, and many people are afraid that their relationship will fail if they say something their partner doesn't want to hear. However, there can be no sincerity, growth, or closeness without honesty, communication, and adherence to the truth.  It is hard to have an ethical life if one cannot be honest with oneself and the other person that one voluntarily decides to make a home with.

Being respectful of parents, respecting and being faithful to your spouse, and being respectful of siblings are important parts of living an ethical life.  A martial artist that understands these things will learn to listen to people that have known them and have seen their changes over the years to help gain perspective.  That shouldn't be confused with blindly following; rather, to be thoughtful and to have patience when confronted with things in life.  In doing so, it will help to alleviate tension and disharmony in the relationships in the family and in the home.