As part of the series on ethics in martial arts, I'd like to examine the next three of the eleven tenets. I don't do this to diminish each one's importance. Instead, I see them as all pertaining to having a healthy home and family life. The three tenets are to be respectful of your parents, to be respectful and faithful to your spouse, and to be respectful of siblings.
Admittedly, this may seem like an ethical examination on these three ideas is little bit simplistic. Who would tell someone not to respect other people? Of course, these things seem almost obvious. Still, what if you're not a child and you have family that is overbearing? People that are married or coupled often have problems and sometimes people move outside of that relationship to find solace. What does this have to do with being a martial artist?
First, I'd like to take a moment to consider the word "respect". It is a word we use in language often, but I don't know that we ever take time to really consider it's original meaning. Colloquially, we use it to mean to hold someone or something in esteem - to hold it above ourselves as something we should follow. I think there may be a more thoughtful way to look at this. If we look at the parts of the word respect, we see the prefix "re" and the second part "spect." Looking at it this way, we see that "re" means to do again - as in to repeat or redo - while "spect" means to view or ponder - as in spectacle or speculation. Use of the word respect here means instead to be worthy of a second view.
For young children, I don't push this concept. They need to follow what parents and siblings are telling them to keep them from harm. However, these young people will have to be reliant on themselves at some point. During that transition and even afterwards, they will get advice or views from family. Some of that advice will be worth its weight in gold. Some of it will just be loving and caring opinions from other fallible human beings doing their best to support someone they care about. In any case, these people are trying to be a positive force in life and deserve a second look when they say something with which you disagree. I know in my own experience, my family has found me to be someone that has taken a very different path then what they would have chosen for me. Still, I'd like to think they are happy that I am doing well with a fair amount of success in the things I've chosen. When they gave me their contrary views about being a professional musician, martial artist, or any of the other things we've disagreed on, I know how slowly and carefully I considered their views before choosing. While I didn't always agree, I respected them and treated them with kindness while they allowed me to find my own way.
For a partner or spouse, they also deserve respect. This person is choosing to be with you and has committed to creating a home with you. That is a lot of trust both emotionally and financially. This person not only deserves to be given a second look before a choice is made, but they also deserve your honesty, your sincerity, your consistency, and your attention. Without these things, then this partner you have chosen cannot act intelligently in your relationship and in their own lives. Even if you are going through something very trying and challenging to the future of the relationship, this tenet says to us that we must be fully open with this person, as we are with ourselves. We must also be willing to accept that person being open with us in the same way. There is no guarantee of security in a relationship or marriage even when are you respectful and faithful, and many people are afraid that their relationship will fail if they say something their partner doesn't want to hear. However, there can be no sincerity, growth, or closeness without honesty, communication, and adherence to the truth. It is hard to have an ethical life if one cannot be honest with oneself and the other person that one voluntarily decides to make a home with.
Being respectful of parents, respecting and being faithful to your spouse, and being respectful of siblings are important parts of living an ethical life. A martial artist that understands these things will learn to listen to people that have known them and have seen their changes over the years to help gain perspective. That shouldn't be confused with blindly following; rather, to be thoughtful and to have patience when confronted with things in life. In doing so, it will help to alleviate tension and disharmony in the relationships in the family and in the home.
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